Don't take it personally

Being “out of town” has pluses, but when it comes to dating, it's challenging. Boys will say no due to the inconvenience of long-distance dating. It's important to remember that it is just a technicality and has nothing to do with you as a person. Boys have told the shadchan they are saying no because I don't live in the tri-state area, and that’s just it.

I'm not saying that dating for girls who do live "in town" have it easy; I'm merely highlighting that living in a place that's a plane ride away makes one a less ideal candidate, especially for boys with tight schedules. It's just the nature of things.

Additionally, it’s important to remember that resumes are a piece of paper that gives over basic information about you. It isn’t you, though; it's just a small representation of the wonderful and complex person you are. People will say no based-on preferences, which is very cut and dry. So, while it may feel like they are saying no to you and that it's personal, it's just that it’s not a match. It’s like they plugged your resume and the bits of information they gleaned, and it said it’s not a pair.

Taking a "no" personally just hurts you. It's not fair to you, as hard as it is to accept sometimes, that "no" is really a blessing. Especially when it's at the outset, it's Hashem's way of saving you from building a connection with a boy you won't end up having a future with. That moment or so of heartache the "no" can bring will be in the stead of a lot more heartache from the ending of a relationship.

Having said all that, it may still be painful or hurtful even if it’s a reason like the distance, or as I’ve gotten many times, that I’m too frum. It’s okay to sit with those feelings, and I even recommend doing so, and then, when you're ready, to let them go. Don't keep feeding those negative feelings; just be with them for as long as you think you need, and then set them free.

Remember everything Hashem does is for our best, even if we can't see it and even if it doesn't feel like it. Think about a time that something didn't work out, and you thought "phew" or "it was better it didn't" because this too works just the same way.

I saw something on meaningful minute that fits beautifully with this message: