One day you're lounging on your couch, minding your own business when you get a text from your friend and it reads- Hey just got a call about you :)

Hey nice to hear from you. What about me?

It was a call from the mother of some boy. She sounded really nice.

That’s good. What did she say?

She asked how long I know you, what you’re up to, and how I would describe you.

Wow!

Yeah, but thankfully I had a lot of nice things to say about you.

That’s so sweet. You’re the best. I really appreciate it.

:)

Just wondering, do you know who called?

I honestly didn’t catch the name, but it was a 305 number.

Ok cool. Thanks.

You wonder who it is for some time after but then you realize it doesn’t really matter. If you’re meant to know, you’ll know.

You continue on with your day and the curiosity piques in waves.

When you check your phone, you wonder if another reference too will tell you they got a call. They may or may not. They also may bump into you and say they got a call a couple of days ago.

They may rattle off questions they recall being asked or queries they remember responding to.

It may be silent for days. One bleeding into the next.

You may end up forgetting the encounter.

However it plays out is how it’s supposed to.

Repeat that to yourself. Maybe it just happened, maybe it happened a month ago, or maybe it will happen tomorrow. Maybe it will come through a shadchan, or your best friend, or your neighbor.

Maybe nothing will come of it, not get off the ground, or maybe it will lead to something.

Just try not to let the what if’s or endless wondering of no follow up get you down.

My Advice:

It happens that you may hear about a boy, hear about a call between your mother and a shadchan, or hear about the boy’s friend calling your friend or reference. You might get excited and think something will happen this time. That’s why some people only want to hear about the ones that say yes to a date, not the ones you’re redt to.

Otherwise, you may think the hiatus will end. But the hard truth is, maybe it won’t. And want to know something? It has nothing to do with you. Yes, nothing to do with you. All they get is a piece of paper and a list of random facts and interactions. That’s all. So, they’ll nitpick. Not the right seminary, not the right location. Whatever they decide. So again, it has nothing to do with you as a person. There is so much more to you they won’t get or won’t understand, or won’t learn. So, remember it’s all up to Hashem. To G-d. To the One who guides these and all moments of our existence.

It’s also important that you and your references familiarize yourselves with certain components of the call. For example, there are certain words that people throw around, and they kind of serve as code words. For instance, if someone asks if a girl is reserved, they often are really asking if she is shy and keeps to herself. Additionally, make sure you talk to your references about ambiguous details about yourself or your situation so that they will give over correct information and give a good and accurate impression of who you are. A personal example is that I’m sort of Chabad and sort of not, so it’s necessary for me to make it clear to my references what exactly that means.

And remember, at least in my personal opinion, the less boys you have to meet with that won’t lead to a real relationship, the better.

So, think of it as a gift, not the opposite.