After chatting with my friend all Shabbos and most of the ride home, I decided it was time to kick back and enjoy some music. I was about to pop in my earbuds when she asked me, “Did you write your resume yet?”

I  looked at her in puzzlement, thinking that it was such an out of the blue question. “No, why?”

“Because you should. Plus, I want to be on it.”

“That’s so nice,” I told her, and my heart swelled.

She smiled at me. “So, come on! Do it now!”

I groaned internally. Why did it have to be now? “Now?” I asked to confirm.

She nodded. “It isn’t hard to do.”

“If you say so.”

It turned out that she was right. It took me five minutes to write my name, height, parents’ and siblings’ names, ages, and current occupations. I asked other friends to be my references, and added them under the reference section. I additionally asked my mom for two family references, which I included as well. The hardest part was choosing a font that looked fun yet professional.

“Was it so bad?” My friend asked me later on

I just returned her smile and showed her my resume.

“It looks as it should,” she told me. Which means it looks like a piece of paper. Because that’s what a resume is- a piece of paper.

In fact, you learn nothing just by looking at this piece of paper; it’s the calling of the references that give you a peek, an idea, as to who the person you are calling about is.

The number of times you will hear, “Can I have your resume?” or, “Can I have her resume?” may lead you to believe that you must guard this paper with your life, for it is of utmost importance and significance. In actuality, it’s just a paper that will give someone who wants to get to know you a chance to (kind of) do just that.

My Advice:

Out of every step in the dating (shidduch) process, this one is by far the easiest. All you need to think about is who knows you. It is best to choose people who know you in different contexts to paint a more complete picture of yourself. For example, choose a high school friend and two seminary friends for you likely changed between those two milestones in your life. While your past self does give an inkling to who you are, your more present self is the person that you currently are. Updating your resume can be a good idea because you want the person who is calling about you to hear about who you are today, not the you of three years ago. If you have been out of seminary for a couple of years, make sure you have references who know you currently, such as work references or college references. Thereby they won’t say, “Well, when I knew her five years ago…” That is a statement that doesn’t reflect well on you, so it’s best to avoid. Keep in mind when you are looking into a potential prospect, ask pointed questions, and see how the other person reacts. You should be kind, but also look out for yourself and keep in mind what is important to you.