Here are three lessons I learned recently which I believe are worth sharing:

1.       The first is one that I touched upon in one of my chapters, yet I am taking a slightly different spin so it is certainly worth repeating. As some of you may recall, I wrote that aside from middos, (good character traits,) height is the most important characteristic for me when searching for my bashert (life partner). What I found, however, is that the tall gene isn’t very widespread among Jewish men, so my height requirement shortened, though not significantly. The reason this is important to me is because I myself am tall. However,  I realized that finding a solid individual in a world like ours is hard enough, and finding a boy that is good-hearted, sincere, and frum is more important to me than him being that much taller than me or taller than me at all. Being the same height as the boy doesn’t bother me like it used to. We live and we learn.

2.       This is a very important concept to consider: How do I feel around the boy? What side of myself do I display when I’m with him? We are human beings and thereby complex beings. We aren’t a single facet but rather many facets. The vital thing to think about is how do I feel and act in said boy’s presence? Not just am I comfortable but am I laughing and smiling or am I very neutral? This may not be apparent on the first date and you might be on edge due to nervousness, but it will become obvious as you go along. I know for myself that with some boys I smiled more, and in the company of others, less. My friend’s mother knew she found the boy for her when she returned home after each date in good spirits.

3. It can be easy to get caught up. You might be tempted to overshadow certain negative attributes or realities with positive ones, such as, in the case of a friend of mine, ego with the prospect of wealth. This is dangerous and you may find yourself continuing. So, be honest and if it isn’t a good situation or the right one for you then don’t allow yourself to continue. Take time to contemplate and discuss when necessary. Again, have that list of what’s really important and non-negotiable and what is just a pro. Try not to allow yourself to continue with a guy for the wrong reasons. If there is a red flag or a negative gut feeling, pay it mind.

Wishing you all the best of luck in all your endeavors, especially with dating!